Answering Questions

I need the followers but believe me, I don't want this life. This is only a part of me. This happened to me...and I am overcominig it. I mend wounds that are opened up everyday, day after day. I am raped in my own home, in front of my family, I feel like I am ok on the outside but, I am SO messed up on the inside. I don't know what I will do once this stops. I don't know if this will stop and I feel like I will never be the same but, I didn't ask for this life and I don't want it. As time goes by, I am becoming more and more detached to Youtube and Blingee and its not like my myspace account which was deleted along with all my other accounts over a 18 month period...I couldn't keep an account without the FBI closing it in 2008-2009. If I lose this account, I will start over but I wont feel like all my friends died or I lost so much like I did when my account was deleted in 2008. I have been tortured since 2007 and I found out the truth about the torture in 2009 (October) because some chick left me a comment in Youtube saying "look up blue beam project". So the government has been raping and torturing me and its all for their pleasure. People think I am trying to scare people and they are the one's who are sick and worthless. God made me for this and if I die tomorrow...there are people who been tortured and thier loved ones were killed from little kids, mothers, fathers, friends, etc...people have been physically raped. And if I die tormorrow, my life was not in vain and I dont live a selfish life, I live a selfless one. I hope that the women...all the 50 and 40 year old women who have been sodomized for 40 years and didn't get help or live their life, live for me when this is over with or if its ever over with. Thank you for asking me questions...I don't want to scare you. I want to have children one day. And I have always wanted 2-3 girls. I can't believe that deep down in my heart, I want a family of my own but, I can't even stop the rape I experience everyday. I fear my children being electronically harassed everyday which is "sexual stimulation" and I fear mind control from what on tv, to the influenced technology (images) that can be put in our heads and I fear my babies growing up too soon as a result or becoming the type of woman I am not and (shhh) hate (thats a strong word but I hate sluts) If you have children...talk to them about these projects, what they hear in music and let them know that if they are strong, they can survive mind control. In the end, they can if they remember their dad's words ;) I thought my nightmare's were of my childhood and I had to go back and remember kicking my dad or pushing his hat off and being a brat all the time and everyday. I feel like this was all for my daddy and I feel like I fought for his honor and I am proud of him and I know he's in heaven and I just wonder if he sees me and he's proud and I hope so. But, I had to remember that I had the best dad. He took me out everyday to eat or to resturants, he brought us like 5 bunk beds, all our school clothes, winter clothes and summer clothes and he always did it on time. They influnced my nightmare's after I told a co worker at Kool Smiles (L.J) that my dad was awesome, he never touched me like other men did and I wrote it in my journal and the night I went over it, I had dreams of rape like back to back..and worst my mom and my twin would said something to me about my dreams like it was like they were there, too. It was all mind control

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